I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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