So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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