I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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