weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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