Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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