Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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