How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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