foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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