Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And then he peed in my hair
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