Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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