i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize