My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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