No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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