I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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