Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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