I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I party with great urgency now.
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