I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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