I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize