i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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