I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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