i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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