Kiss
Puke
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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