the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize