just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize