so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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