I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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