I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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