So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize