I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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