I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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