It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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