Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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