dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize