I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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