I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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