Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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