I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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