He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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