I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize