I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize