oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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