do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize