she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize