I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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