after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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