Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know her cup size but not her name....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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