I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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