I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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