Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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