I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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