my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize