I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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