My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize